Sunday, June 15, 2008

Down With Meth!!!

We are very pleased to announce that the Meth Addict that lives in the apartment behind ours is moving out!! I'm pretty sure he is not a regular reader to the "Happy Hunt Household", so I don't think I am going to offend him. I actually didn't know the guy was a meth addict until my wise elder and friend, Trevor, pointed it out to me. Trevor was like a probation officer in Wyoming so he knows all about "tweakers". Unlike Trevor, I was never exposed to drug addicts in my previous employment. Not many meth addicts reporting to the MTC. The only drugs the missionaries were taking were their ADD prescriptions, and birth control. I didn't know about the latter until Janay told me that half of the temple square sisters were prescribed birth control to regulate their hormones and stuff. That and it kept their skin clear, we all know that only the hot sisters get called to Temple Square, and once there they need to remain hot. I digress.

So Trevor points out that every single time he comes over, this guy is out working on his piece of junk car. I would say 9 times out of 10, that I walk out of the house this guy is working on his car, or sitting in it, or under it. I just thought he was a crappy mechanic and could never get his car working. Trevor being a bit wiser in the ways of the world, informed me that when Meth addicts are tripping, they always want to have their hands moving, and thus why our neighbor was always fiddling with his car. Trevor planted the seed in my mind that the guy was a meth addict, rather than a Tim Allen Tool Time wannabe with his 92 Red Pontiac that leaked oil like an Exxon Tanker in an Alaskan bay.

But the seed which Trevor planted blossomed into forbidden fruit last week. At 4 AM Janay and I were awoken by a loud conversation going on outside our window. One of the voices was unmistakably our little friend. He said "Wha wha wha whacha got?" (he has a significant stutter) A voice responds "Meth", and our neighbor responds "I'll take everything you got."

Then on Saturday a uhaul was parked in the visitor's parking spot outside our apartment. I saw our neighbor moving out some furniture and I asked him if he was moving out. He told me that he in fact was moving out because they bought a house. I congratulated him on his purchase and silently rejoiced within. I think I am supposed to feel bad about this rejoicing, but I don't want my wife and daughter living around drug addicts, not to mention I think half of the US imports in oil from the middle east were spilled in our parking spaces by this guy and his car. Therefore, I also blame him for the high gas prices lately because of all of his oil consumption.

This guy must have missed the high school assembly when they have a bunch of former drug addicts, who have turned their passion to kung fu, come in and break bricks in half and then scream "Don't do drugs!" Then they hold up a 2x4 and yell something like "Drugs are for wimps! Can a wimp do this?!" and he like breaks it with his forehead. Was my school the only one who had these assemblies? I think they trained with this guy:


Natalie said...

DUDE!!! that is CRAZY! I Rejoice with you... i know all about living next to druggies... but i'm 1/2 proud to say one of the two families is gone... so yeah. ooh! and check out halie and Kendall's blog... =]

B&B said...

Crazy-I love the "Sacramento Stories". They are exactly why we want to move back to California!

kristin said...

You are stinkin hilarious!!! I love reading your blog and wondering what you're going to come up with next. Doug's brother and wife have a druggie living above them as well. The stories they tell too. Seriously though, you guys need to move to Mather.

Brad said...

Meth is hot. Everybody is doing it these days. It's scary to think how much of that crap you've been exposed to just by living next to that guy.

From all the little Hunt's in Huntville said...

Dan, that was funny. I was laughing because about a month before school got out we had some teenage guys come to our school and talk about how they are recovering drug addicts. the only thing I thought was interesting about them was that their skin was incredibly clear for being recovering meth addicts. I think both of the guys were on birth control.

Amanda said...

Been there!! Our 1st apartment! Your story is much funnier though!

Tbone said...

Don't fear the Tweaker Dan. The post was magnificently funny. I had a few belly laughs, so our house shook and I started thinking of getting an Earthquake rider on our home insurance. We need to get together an pen a comedy short film or something. We can use tweaker mechanic as one of the characters. I can pull at least 5 other characters from my years as a probation officer.

Melinda Jones said...

So, I just finished applying a nice green mud mask and sat down to enjoy a little "blogging" before going to bed when I began reading this entry. HILARIOUS! I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud for fear of breaking the mask and doing some serious damage to my face! I miss you guys so much...why don't you buy a house in Connecticut? I know a nice little place that is just under a half a million dollars...think about it and get back to me. I have to go wash off the mud mask now.

satheesh said...

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Crystal Meth Addiction